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Dance of Earth and Wind by ~galabrotix:icongalabrotix:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Sonnet


Sunlight blinding me, hair in my face
Auburn streams cascading, a muted roar
Vines binding, memorizing me in place
Lightning touches, surging to explore.

Swollen waves engulf my parted lips,
The essense of aqua flooding my mouth:
Black and brown, our own eclipse-
Aligned fate, like north to south.

Eternity giggles inside this kiss,
Euphoria smiles at this fortune
Serenity's music, we will not miss;
Serenade tonight, oh no misfortune.

Take my hand princess of spring,
Take me away and crown me King.
©2009-2010 ~galabrotix
:icongalabrotix:

Author's Comments

My first attempt at a sonnet, following the rule of 10 syllables per line, and the ABAB CDCD EFEF GG pattern. I don't think I managed to do the 5 symbals per line with elaboration or with the sudden change of theme in line 9 of the sonnet, but I did my best.

***CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM****

^ I would VERY much like some.

=
I followed the instructions from this site,
[link]

Thanks.

Comments


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:iconluv-duh-rain:
~Luv-Duh-Rain Apr 30, 2009, 5:02:13 PM
haha i like this
But there is no way I am going to criticize you
because I don't even know the rules to writing a poem >.<
I just go with the flow lol
but I still think it's good ;p

--
Life is like a dream.
Live it before it disappears.
:icondarkestebony101:
~DarkestEbony101 Apr 30, 2009, 5:45:54 PM
Sonnets are tricky and I have yet to actually get the hang of them. Shakespeare has some great examples of sonnets if thats any help.
This is very beautiful and I especially love the last stanza. I love your word choice, and descriptions the first two stanzas set a beautiful, and unique mood, setting a lovely tone for the whole sonnet.

--
For POETRY! Please check out my gallery, to show you love me?
[link]

I can behave myself just fine thank you very much!
:iconindecisive-x:
~indecisive-x Apr 30, 2009, 6:54:07 PM
A difficult poem type, but I do think that you have done this remarkably well.. and this is from someone who doesn't even particularly like sonnets.

Wonderful work as always, my friend.

--
“ Writing is like heroin. When you’re doing it you're flying and when you’re not it’s all you can think about, but no good can ever come of it and in the end it will ruin your life."
— Lisa Desrochers
:iconbritfacex:
~britfacex Apr 30, 2009, 7:43:57 PM
-_-
amazing as usual
gimme yo talent<3
:icongalabrotix:
~galabrotix Jul 25, 2009, 1:14:53 PM
Ok, but then your going to need to give me your body.

Wait, WHAT??!?!?!

--
"My teeth were jail bars, unsurpassable
So those words remained within my head"

Aeziba, 'Tell Me What To Say'.

[link]

((Note me for my Msn))
:icongalabrotix:
~galabrotix Jul 25, 2009, 1:15:44 PM
First time I've ever tried it lol, I am neither fond, nor disgusted, of poetry that requires you to do certain things. I just get lured in my the challenge so I do them anyways, but in the actuall process its agonizingly restricting. I hate being restricted.

--
"My teeth were jail bars, unsurpassable
So those words remained within my head"

Aeziba, 'Tell Me What To Say'.

[link]

((Note me for my Msn))
:icongalabrotix:
~galabrotix Jul 25, 2009, 1:17:51 PM
I was trying to best Shakespeare lol. I like to imagine myself better then him, no matter how ridicilous and mundane that may sound.

--
"My teeth were jail bars, unsurpassable
So those words remained within my head"

Aeziba, 'Tell Me What To Say'.

[link]

((Note me for my Msn))
:icongalabrotix:
~galabrotix Jul 25, 2009, 1:18:20 PM
I had to google it lol.

--
"My teeth were jail bars, unsurpassable
So those words remained within my head"

Aeziba, 'Tell Me What To Say'.

[link]

((Note me for my Msn))
:iconindecisive-x:
~indecisive-x Jul 26, 2009, 12:49:40 AM
It can get very frustrating with certain poetic techniques when just one more word would perfect the line, but it blows the whole sequence out.

I suppose that's part of cultivating yourself as a writer, learning how to work within bounds and limitations.

--
“ Writing is like heroin. When you’re doing it you're flying and when you’re not it’s all you can think about, but no good can ever come of it and in the end it will ruin your life."
— Lisa Desrochers
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